The trip is over. Now what???

Something amazing I have being thinking now that I am back from the trip is that, before starting I have no expectations, no memories, no experiences and no souvenirs. Do I need them now? What do they mean to me now? There are some of them that bring amazing memories. There are others that are just trash, and with the time you will throw them away. Going back to my first thought, It is amazing to know that before this trip I did not carried with the things I am carrying now. Some of them are great some others are not.
What I am going to do with them is a mystery. Some of them are going to go to the trash can because they are already broken or because they do not tell a story. Others that do have a story will be storage in a little box in were every once in a while they will be pull out to be shown to family or friends.

I met a friend on my trip that became really close to me, and it sounds kinda stupid, but once you travel you realize that those kinda a friends did exist. Sometimes you will be sitting in the middle of the dessert with no one around you. It is in those moments when you can hear a little voice inside you, it is a voice that knows what you are thinking, what you did or not. Sometimes is kinda scary, like one day that I was walking by myself at 2am in the streets of Capadoccia,Turkey. I remember that that night I wanted to be by myself, there was a lot of things going on in my life, and my heart. I realized that I needed some time for myself. I walked a couple blocks, as I walk away from the hotel we were staying, the noise and the loudness of some bars and hooka places started to disappeared. I stopped in the middle of the street, there was nothing around me, no houses, no buildings, no people. I sat in the middle of an open area in where I pulled out on of my cigarettes(Camel by the way) lighted on and enjoyed. I have a short conversation with my friend, you guys do not need to know what was it about (it does not matter anymore) but that was the day, when my friend told me, "Don't do this, you have never done this before, and you do not need to" I was completely agree with that, but this time I wanted to. I wanted to give it all because I trusted in someone. "You don't need it" I know I don't - I said. Since that day until Jordan I had this argument with my friend. After Jordan he said "Okay you are alone in this. I can not go with you anymore. You do not need me" I didn't even say thank you to him. I was so so so blind. I finished my box of cigarettes that night in Capadoccia. I went back to my hotel were everyone was already in bed, but Erica. I walked by her, I said hi, and moved quickly to my room. I laid down on my bed and thought, "Freaking cigarettes, they make me hear voices..."

Today I was cleaning my room. The trip is over. Now what?
I started pulling stuff out of my desk, and as I was doing that I found some fun stuff: A candle(from Petra) A lighter(from Turkey) A card from China, a little rock (from the Red Sea) a candy(from Argentina) but I also found two things that really surprised me. One was my SIM card from China, and two a soft sound in the back of my ear that told me, "Hey now what? I told you not to do it" I said, "Oh hi friend its you again..." I threw some of my souvenirs, and things that were not that meaningful to me anymore. But I can not throw away the ones that are in my heart. The trip was amazing but right now, it is not looking like that to me. Today the trip feels heavy, dark, sad... I used to see it as a rainbow, but today it just look black and white. Today I am looking in each country the piece of my heart that I left there. I am trying to put the pieces together. I am trying to recover the strength, and the honor I had once. "Do not worry, You are fine, you are strong, you are Macho"
Today I am strong, today slowly I will try to fall sleep...

The trip is over. Now what... You are asking me to forget something that I do not want to forget. Now what? I can't throw away what you did. That is not my fault. You lifted me up to heaven and then dropped me into hell... "I told you that you didn't listen"
It is normal, that is what everyone says, but now what? ... People don't understand. The heart does, your body does when you don't sleep...

The trip is over, the backpack is empty, and the memories still remain. Which would I want to keep, and which I want to throw away? "You already know", Yes I guess so...

PS: This is just writing please if you read this unless you know the meaning behind, do not worry.

David Garcia
Concordia University.
4/11/2011, 11:18pm